the realities of love at first sight

I was just surfing the Oprah website...not unusual...love her!...and found this great article. Proof love at first sight exists people!

By Helen Fisher, PhD
From the November 2009 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine



How fast can you really size up a partner?

Illustration: Brett Ryder

You walk into a party and head for the bar. Suddenly someone is beside you, offering to get you a drink. You begin to talk. Almost immediately you're struck by the eerie feeling that you may have just found Mr. Right. But that's crazy, isn't it? Or is it? Can a person really know something this life-changing so fast?

Yes. We are built to instantly size up a potential partner, an intuitive skill that likely developed millions of years ago as our forebears struggled to rapidly sort friends from enemies. And while today we may not need to protect ourselves with a strong, virile mate, we regularly make up our minds about whether an individual could be an appropriate match within the first three minutes of talking to him (or her).

Indeed, it takes less than one second to decide whether you find someone physically attractive. Too short, too tall, too old, too young, too scruffy, or too scrubbed—he's out. If, however, he fits your general concept of Adonis, your mind races toward the next checkpoint: voice. Once again, you respond in seconds. Women typically regard rapid talkers as more educated and men with full, deep voices as better-looking than they are. Next: his words. We like people who use the same kinds of words we use. We are also drawn to those who have a similar degree of intelligence, share our religious and social values, and come from the same economic background—and we quickly determine these attributes from a man's words (not to mention how he dresses and wears his hair, whether he's carrying a briefcase or a soccer ball, and if he's sporting a gold watch or a tattoo).

But can this handsome, deep-voiced, well-dressed stranger give you what you need? Even on the bigger questions, we often form an opinion within the first three minutes if the conversation turns to, say, politics or kids. So when you do feel an immediate click, go ahead and trust your instincts.

Still, love at first sight doesn't happen to everyone. In one survey by Ayala Malach-Pines, PhD, of Ben-Gurion University in Israel, only 11 percent of the 493 respondents said their long-term relationships started that way. As for the rest of us? Psychologists say that the more you interact with a person you like (even slightly), the more you come to regard him as good-looking, smart, and similar to you—unless you discover something that breaks the spell. So it's wise to hang in for a second meeting. It can take years sometimes for two people to fully appreciate each other. But whether it's love at first sight or love in hindsight, those first three minutes are essential for romance. 

 

sing it to me songbird: 'real love' by regina spektor

The message of 'Real Love' sung by Regina Spektor is simple but true to any couple whom are choosing to undergo a marriage or commitment ceremony..."this is real love". Her hauntingly earthy voice repeats this phrase over and over, doing the John Lennon penned song justice. Spektor recorded 'Real Love' in 2007 for Instant Karma: The Amnesty International Campaign to Save Darfur CD, an undertaking that you would think Lennon would have been all for. This song would be ideal to saunter down the aisle towards your beloved....bringing you and your beloved double happiness via the good karma it will bring if you buy the Instant Karma CD. Have a listen...it seems like all this song was really doing was waiting for you! (You'll get it once you hear the song!)

so, how did you two meet?

From Oprah.com....we read them all and picked the best ones so you can bask in the love! If you have your own meeting story write it in the comments section below...we would so love to hear it!

Posted: Tue 2/15/2011 4:05 AM
nikisalis : I met my partner at work eight years ago on the Gold Coast in Australia. I was a waitress and he was a dish hand who quickly became a chef. I fell in love at first sight, his blue eyes like the ocean, funny jokes that I only seemed to laugh at. At the time he was in a relationship so I didn't declare my love. Six years later after having lived in Sydney & a failed relationship, I moved back home & bumped into him on New Years Eve, two months later we fell in love. Going strong for two years now although it feels so much longer than that.


Posted: Mon 2/14/2011 10:05 PM
aslit2 : I was in highschool. One day after school I went to the A&W drive in with a boy friend for a root beer before going home. I had to go to the rest room but the one at the A&W was out of order so I had to walk to the service station next door. The attendant said if I would go out with him I could have the key. I had seen him with a good friend when they were picking up someone after school a couple of times, but did not know his name. I thought I would ask our mutual friend about him before actually going out with him. I really didn't have any choice but to say yes to get the key. We went out a few days later. He went home after work and told his mother he met the girl he was going to marry. His mom asked him what my name was and he didn't know but he was going to marry me. We were married the following year. March will be 49 years. He always tells that if I had not agreed to go out with him I would not have gotten the key.

Posted: Tue 2/15/2011 12:39 PM
jbrown31376 : In a crowded high school band room, I decided that it wasn't fair that all of my friends were going to Homecoming and I was staying home. Never mind the little tidbit that I didn't have a boyfriend! So, while I sat there waiting for choir practice to begin, I scanned the room for eligible guys. Not that I would be asking him...heaven forbid! I would send a couple of my more assertive and confident girlfriends over to broach the subject of taking an insecure, unknown on a date. As I scanned the room I spotted this dark-haired, tall gentleman with glasses sitting in the bass section. He just appeared to me to be the quiet, perfect-gentleman type. And the clincher that he had to be the one was that he was very tall. So, tall that I would be able to wear heels! I realize this sounds rather shallow, but please keep in mind this was when I was 15 years old and a sophomore in high school. So, I mentioned my dilemna to a couple of my friends, and they happened to personally know this boy. So, they went over and with forthright conviction, they informed this mystery man that he was going to ask me to homecoming and like it! Who knew that by today's standards this would be a bullying situation. Well, to make a long story short, he did ask me to Homecoming. A couple of years later, he asked me to marry him. Our 35th wedding anniversary will be next month, and we couldn't be happier.


Posted: Tue 2/15/2011 11:06 AM
lisahuyser : I was working at an insurance company selling life insurance, second mortgages, and stocks, bonds and mutual funds. We had both been recruited by his best friend, Tom. Matt is my husband of 6 months in just a few days and he was Tom's first recruit and I was his second. We met seven months before we hit it off and started dating, so it was not love at first sight, but after he stopped pulling the second grade act of bugging the girl you think is cute I really started to look forward to seeing him at our weekly insurance meetings. We went to a national conference in Atlanta, GA and really got to spend a lot of time together and it's all history from there. Matt swept me off my feet when we were in Atlanta and away from all our worldly distractions. Atlanta was August 2007 and in August of 2010 we were married surrounded by our family and friends, Feb. 21st will be six months since our wedding and things couldn't be better. He is an amazing man who loves me deeply and I am still completely taken with him in new ways.

Posted: Tue 2/15/2011 7:26 AM
kiddgaydos : A best friend told me that she worked with a guy that was going through a divorce. as was I. He was looking for a lady that would like to go to the movies or dinner. He didn't go to bars and wanted to meet someone that didn't either. After being married to an alcoholic for many years tthat got my attention! She wouldn't give him my phone number but got his for me. After a little hand wringing, I called and got his answering machine-thank God! He callled the next day and we set up a blind date at a restaurant around the corner from my house. Of course I got a LOT of advice from my co-workers about driving my own car and not having him come to my home.They thought I was a little rusty after being married most of my life(28years!) The meeting went well and I thought he lived the fun kind of life I had only longed for. We ended up going to dinner and the rest is history! That was 16 years ago-this coming St Patrick's day-next month. We will be married 14 years April 5th. And the really special thing is that the best friend that got us together actually married us!! Making that call was the smartest thing I ever did. Now I am living that fun and active life along with the love of my life!

Posted: Tue 2/15/2011 8:14 AM
sharkysday : Roger and I had exchanged names in French class (me in the United States and him in Australia) when we were 14 years old, we corresponded for years. After college, I was married for 5 years to a wonderful guy who died of leukemia when we were in our late 20s. We continued to keep in contact at Christmas and birthdays. In 1999, after some more correspondence, my future husband crossed the ocean to meet me for the first time. We immediately fell in love and got married after 10 days - not a typo! His original visit was supposed to be 2 weekshe never went home. Weve now been married over 10 years. We have been back to Australia once when our daughter was 6 months old, but luckily his parents come here about every 18 months.


Posted: Mon 2/14/2011 9:07 PM
clairemae : Actually, my husband and I met in the fall of 1984 through mutual friends. I was one of the older ones of our group of friends, so I was the one giving everyone advice about their relationships. During this time, Calvin, was always having girl trouble and he talked to me about everything. This went on for about three or four months. Anyway, that year, him and his family went to Florida for Christmas. Meanwhile, back in Arkansas, I was snowed in for a few days. So during my days of being stuck in the house I began to realize that I was really missing Calvin's company. While he was away, his friends would still come over and tease me about him, saying that they knew we liked each other. They started telling me that Calvin liked me too and that we really needed to hook up when he got back in town. So as I sit there, I began to write him a letter, and before I knew it, I had written ten pages. Anyway, when Calvin got back in town, he came over and we talked, and I gave him the letter. I didn't think he would like me because he is six feet and I am 4'5'. After he read the letter, we kissed, and he did not want to go home that night, but he had to, my mother was not killing me. That was in December of 1984. We dated six months, and was married on July 6, 1985. Proud to say that we just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary. And we are still very much in love!! I am one of the most blessed women in the world, because I was blessed with one of God's greatest creations!!!!!!!

give the gift of giving

If you have everything you need, and a gift registry is just going to get you more stuff to clog up your cupboards, then maybe you should consider getting your wedding guests to contribute to Kiva loans. Kiva loans are microloans of $25 given to entrepreneurs in developing countries. Often they need less than $1000 to build or get their business started! So imagine what a guest list of 100+ could do for the world! If you have too much already, consider giving to someone with too little and make your wedding that little bit more special!!

sing it to me songbird: "the blower's daughter" by damien rice

Many of the brides that I know have been accompanied down the aisle by the lingering melody of this song. Starring on the film “Closer,” this song just feels powerfully charged with emotion.   Although the lyrics are a bit cryptic, the chorus, “I can’t take my eyes off you” speak to the love shared between the pending nuptial couple, and stirs emotion in even the most steadfast of hearts. Sung live with an acoustic guitar accompaniment this song is phenomenal, such as it was at one of my good friend’s weddings. Have a listen and see if it speaks of you!

love quote

"Take away love, and our earth is a tomb." - Robert Browning

celebrities talk love - from O magazine

"There's nothing worth arguing about. I married a sensible, intelligent person, and if we want this thing to work bad enough, then it can. It's very logical. Making her happy or making her laugh is a priority." — Jay Leno

 

 

"Marriage is a subject that does not give way to analysis, sadly. Who should I marry? You can make all the charts and have all the discussions, but it doesn't guarantee anything. I knew I felt right, and that's all you have. Marriage is a big bet. It's the only bet of its kind, one in which you say, "This feels right...I think I'll change everything.'" — Jerry Seinfeld, with wife Jessica

 

 

"Our connection is as concrete as me sitting here. Not that marriage doesn't come close to being hell in a handbasket sometimes. But we both know that no matter what, we'll be with each other—and we'll get through it." — Tom Hanks, with wife Rita

 

 

"[I realized] she didn't expect me to always have an answer for her. She wasn't coming to me for a repair. She just needed a shoulder to cry on. From then on, my relationship with my wife, with my mother, female friends, sisters, has opened up. They have become more honest, and we've gotten to know one another better. I'm no longer afraid to not know." — Blair Underwood, with wife Desiree

 

 

"When I love somebody, I like him to be around; I like him to take me out to dinner; I like to look at the sunset with him. But if not, I love him and I hope he's looking at the same sun I am. Loving someone liberates the lover as well as the beloved. And that kind of love comes with age." — Maya Angelou

 

  

 All quotes from O, The Oprah Magazine interviews.